You did the thing. You walked away. You took your five minutes, moved your body, got your breathing under control. You came back regulated and ready to help.
And your son is still a mess.
Maybe he’s crying. Maybe he’s hiding under his bed. Maybe he’s staring at the wall with his arms crossed and his jaw set. You ask if he’s ready to talk, and he either ignores you or yells at you to leave him alone.
Now what?
What’s Happening in Your Body
This is where it gets hard again. You did everything right, and it’s still not working. You can feel frustration creeping back in. Maybe anxiety. Your chest might tighten. Your mind starts racing: Is this ever going to get better? Am I making it worse? Should I push him to talk or leave him alone?
Your nervous system wants resolution. It wants to fix the problem, address the behavior, make sure he knows what he did wrong. Sitting in the discomfort of not knowing what to do next feels impossible.
What’s Happening in His Body
Your son’s nervous system is still in protection mode. Even though the immediate trigger is over, his body hasn’t gotten the signal that it’s safe yet. He might still have stress hormones flooding his system. His heart rate might still be elevated. He’s not ignoring you because he’s defiant. He’s not talking because he literally can’t access that part of his brain yet.
Remember, his nervous system is still developing. It takes him longer to come back online than it takes you. And if he’s been stuck in patterns of stress for a while, his body doesn’t trust that calm is real. It’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The Nervous System Truth
Pushing for conversation before his body is ready will send him right back into stress response. Every question feels like pressure. Every attempt to process what happened feels like an attack. His nervous system interprets your need to talk as more threat.
But here’s what his body does need: your regulated presence.
Not your words. Not your solutions. Not your explanations about why his behavior was unacceptable. Just you, calm and nearby, showing his nervous system that it’s actually safe now.
What You Can Do
When you come back and he’s not ready, sit quietly. Don’t ask him questions. Don’t try to process what happened. Don’t explain why you walked away or what needs to happen next.
Just sit. On the floor outside his door. On the edge of his bed if he’ll let you. In the same room, not looking at him, not talking, just breathing and being calm.
You might sit there for two minutes. You might sit there for twenty. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that your nervous system is telling his nervous system: we’re okay now. The storm is over. You’re safe.
Sometimes he’ll start talking on his own when he’s ready. Sometimes he won’t, and that’s okay too. You can address what happened later, when you’re both fully regulated. Right now, connection matters more than correction.
If he asks you to leave, respect that. Tell him, “I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.” Then follow through. Be available, but don’t hover.
How Chiropractic Helps
When we adjust kids, we’re helping their nervous systems learn what safety feels like. We’re giving their bodies the experience of shifting from stress to calm. Over time, that makes it easier for them to come back to baseline after big emotions.
For boys who have been stuck in fight or flight, chiropractic care can reduce the time it takes for their bodies to settle. The meltdowns still happen, but the recovery gets faster. Their nervous systems start to trust that calm is possible.
And for moms, adjustments help you stay regulated even when your son isn’t ready to meet you there yet. You can sit in the discomfort without your own nervous system spiraling.
The quiet comeback isn’t doing nothing. It’s doing exactly what both nervous systems need: showing up, staying calm, and trusting the process.