The advice sounds too simple to work: just walk away.
You’ve probably heard it before and dismissed it. Because walking away feels like giving up. It feels like letting him win. It feels like you’re abandoning him when he needs you most.
But what if walking away is actually the most important thing you can do for both of you?
What’s Happening in Your Body
When your son is in the middle of a meltdown and you’re trying to stay calm, your body is working overtime. Your muscles are tense. Your breath is shallow. You might feel heat rising in your chest or your hands shaking. You’re trying to use willpower to override what your nervous system is screaming at you to do: fight back or run.
Here’s the thing about willpower: it doesn’t work when your body is flooded with stress hormones. You can’t think your way out of a physiological response. The part of your brain that makes rational decisions, that remembers you love your kid, that knows how you want to handle this? It’s offline. Your body has redirected all resources to survival mode.
What’s Happening in His Body
Your son’s body is in the same place. His thinking brain is offline too. That’s why reasoning with him mid-meltdown doesn’t work. That’s why consequences don’t land. That’s why he looks at you with wild eyes like he doesn’t even recognize you.
His heart is pounding. His muscles are rigid. He might be sweating or his face might be flushed. His nervous system has taken over, and no amount of talking is going to bring him back until his body feels safe again.
The Nervous System Truth
Two dysregulated nervous systems can’t regulate each other. They escalate each other.
When you stay in the room trying to manage his big emotions while your own nervous system is screaming, you’re both stuck. Your stress feeds his stress. His stress feeds yours. The situation gets bigger, louder, more explosive.
But here’s what changes everything: your nervous system can shift faster than his. You have a fully developed prefrontal cortex. You have more tools. You have the capacity to interrupt the cycle, but only if you give your body what it needs.
That’s why the walk away matters.
What You Can Do
When you feel yourself losing it, say this: “I need a minute. I’ll be back.”
Then leave. Go outside if you can. Walk around the block. Do jumping jacks in the garage. Shake out your arms and legs. Take five deep breaths where your exhale is longer than your inhale.
You need about five minutes for your nervous system to start coming back online. Five minutes for the stress hormones to start clearing. Five minutes for blood flow to return to your thinking brain.
This isn’t about calming down so you can come back and discipline better. This is about giving your body what it needs to get out of threat mode so you can actually help your kid do the same.
Because here’s what happens when you come back regulated: your son’s nervous system starts to borrow from yours. Kids this age don’t have fully developed regulation skills yet. They co-regulate with the adults around them. When you can shift your own state, you become the safe place his nervous system needs to settle.
How Chiropractic Helps
We work with the physical structure of your nervous system. When your spine is stuck in patterns of tension, it keeps your nervous system stuck in patterns of stress. Adjustments help your body remember what it feels like to not be in constant fight or flight.
For moms, that often means the walk away gets easier. You notice the signs earlier. You can access your regulation tools faster. For boys, it means their bodies can settle quicker after big emotions. The meltdowns get shorter. The explosions get less frequent.
Walking away isn’t giving up. It’s giving both of you what you need to come back together.